I have this dream of owning a bed and breakfast someday. and I hope it's a God-dream and not just an Amy dream. I know that He gives us passions in our lives but sometimes we find things to be passionate about that are not what He has intended......
anyway, tonight I was making some cookies and I felt this tug at my heart.... I am supposed to do this. Someday. God has placed compassion so heavily on my heart. He has put the desire in my heart to be a servant to all, not just my friends, not just my family. What better way than to have a B&B. . .imagine the people that I would get to serve.
But then I started thinking.... maybe a B&B is too much, maybe a hostel. I want to have a place that people don't have to use their credit cards to stay there. I want to have a big dining table that Jeremy and I and all of our guests can eat around.
drink wine.
break bread.
play cards.
live.
and I want to have a garden. a big garden. and fruit trees. and I want to be able to cook delicious meals and treats from the harvest. And I want to bless people with the abundance we are given. More than anything else.
While I was mixing up the cookies. .. . . God spoke to me about so many things...I think I should make cookies more often.....
so I have this old, wooden spoon that my mom gave to me when I was 19 and moved out on my own, since I had no cooking utensils, and she told me that every woman needs a good, wood spoon. So this is my favorite spoon, ever. One time my mom accidentally set it down on the hot burner and it charred the end of the spoon....so there is a chunk missing at the end. I think it gives the spoon character. . . Anyway, this spoon got me thinking about our society and how people don't take the time to mix things by hand anymore.
We have Kitchen Aid's to do that.
We have food processors to chop and blend our ingredients.
We have microwave ovens to heat our leftovers.
We have dishwashers to do our dishes.
I wish we would just slow down.
Take the time to get to know this life we are living. In my abnormal psychology class we've been discussing ADHD and how children are raised nowadays and how different it is than when we were kids. Kids used to play out in the streets till dark and parents didn't worry. Neighbors used to know each other well enough to go over and borrow a cup of sugar. People waved at you when you drove by. Nobody does that anymore. But everybody want to have a community that looks like this...but they are too scared, too lazy, too uncommitted. People just expect that somebody else will do all the hard work and they can join in whenever it's convenient for them. I got to share this with a coworker the other day. It was great, she was telling me how she'd overdrawn her bank account and we didn't get paid for another week. So I asked her how much she needed, and I knew Jeremy and I had enough, so I just wrote her a check. Simple. And she was blown away. Why wouldn't I do that? So it was just wonderful to be able to share my heart with her. . because now we have this bond, this understanding.
So moral of the story is.... God invented chocolate chip cookies. He can speak to us at the most unexpected moments. He can use things like old, wooden spoons to clear our vision. Amazing.
loves-a.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
6.07.09
sometimes, I just like to write lists.
no commitments.
no plot.
just lists.
1) went to Juan and Julie's wedding last night down in Durham at this place... Gale vineyards, the wine wasn't spectacular, but the night was incredible.
2) Dancing. it doesn't matter if you have good moves or how good you look, just get out on the floor. such a release for me.
3) I can't wait for the new BEP record to come out. don't judge me, you know you secretly like them too.
4) I have an amazing life, although I feel it is so busy these days----it is incredible that I get to live this life and that I have these many options to choose from.
5) My husband is hilarious when he drinks a bit too much wine. He talked the whole way home from Durham last night-I barely got 2 words in....hilarious.
6) This 80 degree weather is my favorite, by far.
7) This time next week, I will be on vacation.......amazing.
8) I am addicted to craigslist, I seriously look at it at least 3 times a day, and all different cities across the world, dreaming about places to live.
9) I will be really sad whenever it comes time to move out of this house, I love it here. so cozy, so homey, so..... wonderful.
10) two of my favorite people, Nancy and Evan, are moving to Boston this summer, and I couldn't be more excited for them but I like to be a bit selfish too, because I'm really going to miss them.
11) I think I'll make chocolate chip cookies tonight for the boys.... okay, and I'll most likely have a couple for myself...... :)
loves you all. -a.
no commitments.
no plot.
just lists.
1) went to Juan and Julie's wedding last night down in Durham at this place... Gale vineyards, the wine wasn't spectacular, but the night was incredible.
2) Dancing. it doesn't matter if you have good moves or how good you look, just get out on the floor. such a release for me.
3) I can't wait for the new BEP record to come out. don't judge me, you know you secretly like them too.
4) I have an amazing life, although I feel it is so busy these days----it is incredible that I get to live this life and that I have these many options to choose from.
5) My husband is hilarious when he drinks a bit too much wine. He talked the whole way home from Durham last night-I barely got 2 words in....hilarious.
6) This 80 degree weather is my favorite, by far.
7) This time next week, I will be on vacation.......amazing.
8) I am addicted to craigslist, I seriously look at it at least 3 times a day, and all different cities across the world, dreaming about places to live.
9) I will be really sad whenever it comes time to move out of this house, I love it here. so cozy, so homey, so..... wonderful.
10) two of my favorite people, Nancy and Evan, are moving to Boston this summer, and I couldn't be more excited for them but I like to be a bit selfish too, because I'm really going to miss them.
11) I think I'll make chocolate chip cookies tonight for the boys.... okay, and I'll most likely have a couple for myself...... :)
loves you all. -a.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
6.3.09
So sorry for the silence. Facebook has sucked me in, but apparently writing "notes" is not the same as writing "blogs"... so here I am.
Yesterday, Jeremy and I celebrated 2 years of marriage! Crazy how fast the time goes, I know everyone says that, but really, it's amazing.
Here are my thoughts on marriage.... after 2 years:
1) It's so important that you marry your best friend, because the romantic feelings aren't enough sometimes.
2) You must support each other in every way----spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically.... it's all necessary.
3) Empower each other, daily, through words of encouragement, inspiring smiles, knowing glances....
4) It is important to keep selfishness out of your marriage, BUT each person must make time for themselves, and not feel bad for it (something I continually am working on...)
5) The small things you fight over are just that, small things, and really aren't worth the fight.
6) Have sex as much as possible.... sex really brings an intimate level that nothing else can... which is why God created sex, for marriage, to bring 2 humans to a whole different level of intimacy.
7) As a married couple, give as much as possible, to your friends and family, because living in God's will as a married couple---there is nothing like it.
8) Tell each other how much you love them-always, and why, and don't use the same reason every time.
9) Give each other passionate kisses often, just to let each other know the flame is still burning.
10) Don't try to change the other person, they are who they are, and you married them for that, so why would you want them to be any different?
ok, that's it for now... I need to get ready for work... was hard getting out of bed this morning, Jeremy got me one of those memory foam thingys to put on our bed-SOOO comfortable. and for him, I am getting Wilco tickets this Friday!! Can't wait!. Jeremy is amazing, my best friend, the love of my life, I feel SO blessed to have such an incredible person to share this life with. I love you babe!
Yesterday, Jeremy and I celebrated 2 years of marriage! Crazy how fast the time goes, I know everyone says that, but really, it's amazing.
Here are my thoughts on marriage.... after 2 years:
1) It's so important that you marry your best friend, because the romantic feelings aren't enough sometimes.
2) You must support each other in every way----spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically.... it's all necessary.
3) Empower each other, daily, through words of encouragement, inspiring smiles, knowing glances....
4) It is important to keep selfishness out of your marriage, BUT each person must make time for themselves, and not feel bad for it (something I continually am working on...)
5) The small things you fight over are just that, small things, and really aren't worth the fight.
6) Have sex as much as possible.... sex really brings an intimate level that nothing else can... which is why God created sex, for marriage, to bring 2 humans to a whole different level of intimacy.
7) As a married couple, give as much as possible, to your friends and family, because living in God's will as a married couple---there is nothing like it.
8) Tell each other how much you love them-always, and why, and don't use the same reason every time.
9) Give each other passionate kisses often, just to let each other know the flame is still burning.
10) Don't try to change the other person, they are who they are, and you married them for that, so why would you want them to be any different?
ok, that's it for now... I need to get ready for work... was hard getting out of bed this morning, Jeremy got me one of those memory foam thingys to put on our bed-SOOO comfortable. and for him, I am getting Wilco tickets this Friday!! Can't wait!. Jeremy is amazing, my best friend, the love of my life, I feel SO blessed to have such an incredible person to share this life with. I love you babe!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
4.19.2009
listening to Kristene Mueller all night.
she messes me up.
God speaks through her music so clearly to me.
it's like the words she wrote, were meant for me, just me, to hear.
one line in particular... it kills me....
"I don't want any other lover...."
"all my devotion belongs to the Lord..."
it's tough to say that.
it's this weird struggle I always find myself in.
all these longings, all these needs, all these desires.
i'm constantly looking to Jeremy to fill them all.
I don't want any other lover---I just want Jeremy.
but then I remember....
what I am here for.
who my devotion belongs to.
so it kills me everytime....
tears, everytime.
it's so my desire to live like God is all that matters to me...
but I just can't.
and maybe that's not what He intends?
as a wife, Jeremy is up there, right after God...
and so often it seems like the line blurs....
"take it all.... just give me Jesus..."
can I live that?
can I say that?
hold true when God takes away?
believe His love is sufficient?
whew..
heavy thoughts.
i'm not bumming out. . .
just getting out some words.
loves-a.
she messes me up.
God speaks through her music so clearly to me.
it's like the words she wrote, were meant for me, just me, to hear.
one line in particular... it kills me....
"I don't want any other lover...."
"all my devotion belongs to the Lord..."
it's tough to say that.
it's this weird struggle I always find myself in.
all these longings, all these needs, all these desires.
i'm constantly looking to Jeremy to fill them all.
I don't want any other lover---I just want Jeremy.
but then I remember....
what I am here for.
who my devotion belongs to.
so it kills me everytime....
tears, everytime.
it's so my desire to live like God is all that matters to me...
but I just can't.
and maybe that's not what He intends?
as a wife, Jeremy is up there, right after God...
and so often it seems like the line blurs....
"take it all.... just give me Jesus..."
can I live that?
can I say that?
hold true when God takes away?
believe His love is sufficient?
whew..
heavy thoughts.
i'm not bumming out. . .
just getting out some words.
loves-a.
Friday, April 17, 2009
4.17.09
i guess i might be back to writing.
my days have been so full, i feel like i owe it to myself to sit down and write.
such a good release sometimes.
seems like the days just get busier and busier. . .
I'm not a huge fan of that.
working alot.
writing and reading tons for school.
still trying to unpack and organize our house.
seems like any spare moment I have. . .
I just want to sit.
in silence.
i feel so boring these days.
lack of spontaneity.
lack of creativity.
lack of. . .
i don't know.
i hate feeling mediocre.
like I'm just going through the motions.
i want to feel like I'm living on purpose.
i want to live with purpose.
with passion.
right now all i do....
wake up at 6:30...
make a double espresso...
do homework till 8...
get ready for work..
work from 9:30-6. .
(work has been alot these days too...I'm exhausted at the end of the day).
get home...
cook dinner.
do some more homework..
do some laundry.
shower.
go to bed.
blah blah blah.
it's just a phase. i know. I'm just so over it.
God and I have been having some great conversations though lately. . . which is incredible.
this morning started out in serious bummerville for me.
i was feeling all stressed...mad at Jeremy b/c they were loud boys in the hot tub till 1 in the morning. cranky because I slept all of 4 hours. feeling like I don't have any time. feeling like I'm not cutting it. then those feelings turned into anger that I'm having to do it all. that I'm the only one that cares...oh serious pity party, let me tell you.
then it hit me. how the hell is my husband, my family, my friends supposed to fill the needs that only God can fill in my life. this is what happens when i screw up my priorities and get selfish with my life. others let me down because i put expectations on them. sucks. big time. so i put on John Marc McMillan this morning on my way to work because I was not going to have a crappy day. . . blared "how He loves" probably 3 times on repeat. . i sat in my car till the very last minute I had to go clock in, singing at the top of my lungs, eyes full to the brim with tears. . . "Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves....So we are His portion and He is our pride, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, if grace is an ocean we're all sinking.....so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside my chest...i don't have time to maintain these regrets these regrets when i think about the way....He loves us....."
those words kept me going through a crazy day at work. His strength was what sustained me today. i am drained. physically. emotionally. mentally. but joy prevails. I have so many reasons to be thankful. . . so many reasons to smile.....
"How blessed we are, for crying now, that we will laugh someday at how.... blessed we are," -Mineral.
my days have been so full, i feel like i owe it to myself to sit down and write.
such a good release sometimes.
seems like the days just get busier and busier. . .
I'm not a huge fan of that.
working alot.
writing and reading tons for school.
still trying to unpack and organize our house.
seems like any spare moment I have. . .
I just want to sit.
in silence.
i feel so boring these days.
lack of spontaneity.
lack of creativity.
lack of. . .
i don't know.
i hate feeling mediocre.
like I'm just going through the motions.
i want to feel like I'm living on purpose.
i want to live with purpose.
with passion.
right now all i do....
wake up at 6:30...
make a double espresso...
do homework till 8...
get ready for work..
work from 9:30-6. .
(work has been alot these days too...I'm exhausted at the end of the day).
get home...
cook dinner.
do some more homework..
do some laundry.
shower.
go to bed.
blah blah blah.
it's just a phase. i know. I'm just so over it.
God and I have been having some great conversations though lately. . . which is incredible.
this morning started out in serious bummerville for me.
i was feeling all stressed...mad at Jeremy b/c they were loud boys in the hot tub till 1 in the morning. cranky because I slept all of 4 hours. feeling like I don't have any time. feeling like I'm not cutting it. then those feelings turned into anger that I'm having to do it all. that I'm the only one that cares...oh serious pity party, let me tell you.
then it hit me. how the hell is my husband, my family, my friends supposed to fill the needs that only God can fill in my life. this is what happens when i screw up my priorities and get selfish with my life. others let me down because i put expectations on them. sucks. big time. so i put on John Marc McMillan this morning on my way to work because I was not going to have a crappy day. . . blared "how He loves" probably 3 times on repeat. . i sat in my car till the very last minute I had to go clock in, singing at the top of my lungs, eyes full to the brim with tears. . . "Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves....So we are His portion and He is our pride, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, if grace is an ocean we're all sinking.....so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside my chest...i don't have time to maintain these regrets these regrets when i think about the way....He loves us....."
those words kept me going through a crazy day at work. His strength was what sustained me today. i am drained. physically. emotionally. mentally. but joy prevails. I have so many reasons to be thankful. . . so many reasons to smile.....
"How blessed we are, for crying now, that we will laugh someday at how.... blessed we are," -Mineral.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
long time...
hey friends......sorry for the absence... but i'm moved to Facebook. and i'm not into doing more than one social network at a time..takes up too much of my time... so if you're on facebook, find me. we can be friends. if not..... sadness.
loves you all....
-amy
loves you all....
-amy
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