11.07.10

Woke up this morning with a smile on my face...
(despite the fact that I woke up to the sound of my neighbors' little kids singing in the shower, at the top of their lungs...)
seeing the pink and orange horizon, as I woke up on Jeremy's side of the bed, was just what I needed this a.m.
One thing I love about living in our place...having our bedroom on the second floor, allows me to sleep with the blinds open, so I can awake to the glimpses of the sun making it's appearance.
I think that extra hour of sleep was rather nice as well...
(despite the fact that I still woke up countless times during the night, hopefully, that will end as soon as Jeremy is home..)

I had a good week. I have some really great friends up here. Great women in my life that are such a joy in my life to be around. For the earlier part of Jeremy being gone on tour, I felt like I was in the wrong place. I was feeling sorry for myself and staying in...not wanting to impose on anybodies lives up here. I was feeling like we'd made the wrong decision in picking up and moving to Idaho. I was feeling like maybe we'd moved for all the wrong reasons.....
but then....I started hanging out with our friends up here, again. And I was reminded that yea...this is where we're supposed to be right now. It's amazing to think that we've been here almost half a year (okay, not until December). . . and how much I've changed. Or should I say, how much I am like my old self nowadays.
the Amy that....
talked with Jesus every day
was able to just hang out with no stresses
made people laugh
laughed
wrote in her journal on a semi-regular basis
was able to find joy in the mundane things of life
dreamed, constantly
wasn't so caught up in work, to actually enjoy life.
Anyway...
this book I've been reading (Forgotten God-by Francis Chan) has been just what I needed in my life right now (in addition to once again reading my Bible daily). I am such an independent person with so much of my life...that it has slowly invaded my faith in God. Yes, I know that God is always in control, but being able to lay down "my" control...that's another thing. Control...it's a funny thing to think about sometimes....
I mean, really, what is so attractive about control?
Yet, I was always trying to have control over....
-finances
-the next 5 years
-my marriage
-daily life
-my faith
Yet, in trying to have control over my life, I have lost a certain part of my faith. .. that is a vital part of continuing my relationship with Jesus...and not only continuing, but growing... developing.

"I think we could all agree that living 'according to our sinful flesh' is not what is intended for us as children of God. Yet even so, we often choose to face life's issues and circumstances in exactly the same way as someone without the Spirit of God. We worry, strive, and grieve no differently than unbelievers. While it is true that we are humans like everyone else, it is also true that we are humans with the Spirit of God dwelling in us. Yet, whether consciously or not, we essentially say to God, 'I know You raised Christ from the dead; but the fact is my problems are just too much for You and I need to deal with them by myself.'"


I'm over living my life that way. I'm over dealing with problems on my own. I'm over having control.
I'm ready to trust again. I'm ready to believe in the power of God. I'm ready to recognize the Spirit of God moving in my life.